Don't ask and you're probably still going to receive...cuz it's my day off.

HAAAAAAAAY!

I haven't verbed the noun 'blog' in liiike four weeks. Here are some reasons why:

1. Inspiration to yammer on about almost nothing in particular is fleeting.

2. Most of the inspired yammering I've been doing this summer is through my mouth on to unsuspecting friends and family. It occurs to me now that an online reader is less likely to walk away or slap me in the pie-hole so maybe it's better this way.

3. I'm busy! Okay? Enough with the texts and the phone calls and the other stuff that would happen if people were bothering me to write something. I've got sandwiches to eat and jokes to laugh at!

So there's all of those. Then there's the illicit stuff I can't tell you about because it would incriminate the company in its entirety and we'd have to offer up Ken's beard for bail money (because his chin follicles are genetically modified to produce a small portion of diamond dust in every burly facial strand) and probably sell Eric for a couple packs of cigarettes that we could hide the miniature pick-axes required to peck our way out of the dimly lit cell that we'd line with pin-ups of...of...Smurfette.

Smurfy, smurfy Smurfette. The first two adjectives were 'sexy' and 'easy'.

The above reason is slightly improbable, knowing that they'd never put a female in a prison cell with three other males. Or the same prison. Other than that it'd probably go down that way. Especially the Smurfette part.

I will tell you what's comin' up though. Our friend, my co-blogger and hetero life partner/confidante Mel Smith is getting married this month. I'll be standing up there with her while she makes some really amazing promises to her wonderful husband-to-be and then all of us are going to drink and eat until bail from Ken's chin becomes a very real ass-saving device once again. Keep in mind Andrew's coming as my date so please expect to see some photos of me trying to force feed him all of the foods he's allergic to. WHEN I *WEDDING-PARTY, I **WEDDING-PARTY HARD.

Other than that, have a ridiculously awesome Labour Dabour. Or Labor Dabor if you can't spell.

Chomps

*I've never been in a wedding party before so this statement is just anticipatory.

** Anticipatory WITH A CHANCE OF HARDNESS.

slush pants

It's the end of May. We Southern Ontarians just experienced our first almost picture-perfect weekend. We've all been out of the house, cutting the lawn, walkin' the cat, etc. etc. Here's some other stuff I like to do.

1. Go to the zoo - I feel like a trip to the zoo could be controversial if you're a person who would rather see animals in their 'natural habitat', but a lot of fun for people who have come to terms with reality and know that they're probably never going to travel to the Himalayas to catch this little guy in action. I had never seen a rhinoceros before, I couldn't afford a trip to Africa, guess where I went? Scarborough, ON. Yes, it can be sad to see anything exist in captivity (and please, don't go to Marineland) but if you can't get past it, start saving for that overseas safari. I'm not going to list 'safari in Africa' as things to do this summer, because I'm pretty sure your odds are good of hitting a warm, dry season outside of our four month pocket.

2. Cedar Point - if you go to Canada's Wonderland every year and ride the fastest roller coaster like seven times just to avoid riding the ones that you know won't live up to your expectations, get four or five friends together, book a room in Sandusky and go to Cedar Point for two days. There are two or three different lodging options (I've always stayed at The Breakers), and if you stay on-site you get access to the park before e'erybody else does. It's not that I don't hear how much all y'all looooooove the Behemoth. It's just that the Behemoth sucks. There aren't any rides that suck at Cedar Point. None.

3. Take the train somewhere - Our railway system is pretty freakin' awesome. If you buy at the right time you can get last minute business class tickets along a lot of their major routes at reasonable prices. There's also a youth discount up to 25 years of age that I'm not sure many people know about. Get wild! Go to Moncton! (disclaimer: if there's nothing going on in Moncton, don't get mad at me. Just get back on the train and keep movin' east. Or make some noise in NB and change their reputation FOREVER.)

4. S.C.E.N.E Music Festival - my home town has a fairly awesomely reputed block party every year, wherein hundreds of bands (some Canadian, some travelling from afar) play at over ten different venues all within walking distance of each other. Beer flows like water, water flows to battle the dehydration. People usually ignore the latter. Pause'll be there. You should join us. http://www.scenemusicfestival.com . The other good news about outdoor concerts this year is that NXNE falls the week before S.C.E.N.E and it always guarantees a good time. LOOK!

5. The cheapest and often funnest (it's a word) suggestion - Welcome people into your home, yard, and life. Let's face it, if you were partying at somebody ELSE'S house they've been cleaning up after you. Odds are you've been a mess-leave-behinder for a lot of years now at the homesteads of many pool owners (both swimming, and table). Time to return the favour. Make some fruit juice popsicles and tell people to BYOB. No furniture? Tell people to BYOChairs. We've only got about 3 months and two weeks before we're zipping our jackets up to our chins and wishing we'd done more fun stuff over the summer. GET ON IT.