So I saw some jerk wearing shorts this weekend and I felt like I needed to at least meet him halfway and come out of hiding to speak my obnoxious mind a bit more frequently.
Don't let the uncharacteristically tepid disposition of the outdoors fool you, you're still entitled to your winter-induced depression. The rhythm of suckitude to which our hearts beat (read: baDUM-baDUMPITY dum DUUUUUM) can carry forward for at least another 13 days.
But if it's all the same and you'd rather not be such a crumbum, run outside and just fill your mouth with the freshness of that earth that's been hiding underneath the snowdrifts for what's seemed like a minor eternity. Take a big handful of that dirt that replenishes your filthy city with flora, fauna, pollinating honeybees and fornicating urban species, and shove it in your gob.
Tastes like shit, doesn't it. Toldja it was too soon to get your hopes up.
Happy Soon-to-be Spring, Everyone!
-Chomps
