Push Comes t'Shove

If you've ever spent a year just sort of 'getting by', you know how hard it can be to break the monotony and actually do something about it.

I started off Aught Eleven hoping for some serious miracles. I'm not sure who I thought would perform them, the pope's like four kakillion miles away and I'm pretty sure he's got bigger fish fries to fry on Fridays. Wow. Write that one down.

Santa's off the menu because he's a figment of Mel Smith's imagination and the Cadbury bunny has that ridiculously heavy backpack. Found myself at an impasse, t'would seem.

But LO, I've learned the value in buckling down and finding the amorphous warm mush inside myself that actually yearns for that 'something more' which is what I'm pretty sure Ariel was singing about before she let that stupid fleshy land-mammal "Prince" Eric make all of her decisions. We never did find out what he was the prince of, did we?

What I know is the following:

1. If what you're doing isn't making you even marginally happy, you really REALLY have to change it. Stop ignoring your lactose intolerance! Quit watching those weird movies where everybody ends up dead and the evil German doctor doesn't even GET his comeuppance! No offense to the real German doctors who aren't sewing peoples' digestive tracts together.

2. Try really hard not to take yourself so seriously. Trust me, you're the only one not laughing at you. Life is hilarious and if you can't relish a little bit in your embarrassments or quasi-failures you're going to get one of those weird forehead veins. Gross.

3. Get off your frigging phone. I catch myself doing this all the time, so I'm coming correct here. When you can't wait the forty-four seconds it takes to order a coffee because you're pretty sure you can text three more friends before you start work about what happened on The Bachelor last night, there's some issues afoot. I've started wanting to be around actual people and I'm pretty sure it's because I realize how cheap these addictive mini-interactions are. Don't get mad at me, I'm just saying we all suck at being personable is all.

4. Help somebody. Help everybody. I'm not saying spread yourself thin, but I don't even know if many of us have spread ourselves at all.

Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm being wholesome.

5. I don't have a fifth suggestion. There's this though.




BLACK HOODY. WHITE HOODY.

Hope this helps,
Chomps