Fashionable and chic as I may seem to those of you who’ve met me in person (read: three steps away from wearing plaid pajama pants and a waffle shirt without a bra in public) there are a few excruciating trends I’ve been noticing lately. Seeing as this is clearly a forum where people stand by the well(and independently)-made fashion choices they make, maybe this’ll be well received or maybe someone will try to strangle me with *leather leggings on the dimly lit street.
Can I even call these faux-pas? Not really. Reason: these are actually accepted social norms. These don’t violate the eyes of many, though they terrorize the hearts of the few. My grandmother and I being two of them. Hold on tight, and don’t cry “EGREGIOUS!” til’ we’re through.
1) LEATHER LEGGINGS!?!!!! : Come on. Let’s consider the source. Source A) Motorcycle riders who are afraid they’ll lose large patches of skin due to road rash should they accidentally skid out of control. Source B) Li-to-the-Lo-han. Neither are realistic fashion icons for the greater good, one of them is always crying in court because she can’t seem to stop spending her millions on alcohol and inventing new ways to wear leather leggings. Shudder.
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Boyfriend Button-Ups: TUT, TUT. I do NOT speak ill of the oversized button-up when it is used as a top. I do wish a variety of Swine Influenzas on the The Hills wardrobe consultant who thought it would be ok to start wearing them as dresses. A plague sprung from the idea that a large shirt could easily double as an ill-fitting dress if belted (by rope, fishing line, or other) in some way which lends itself to frequent ‘whoopsies!’ and ‘bum-cheek peek-a-boos’.
3) UGG Boots: Friends, this was a problem in 2003. There’s no reason for it to still be wreaking havoc on my eyes. They don’t weather well in our Canadian climate, they make women look like abominable snowpeople, and they single-handedly turn any well-planned outfit into something Britney Spears wore into a gas station POST-baldy. “But they’re soooo comfortablllllllllleeeee!” I don’t care. They’re awful. Get some real winter boots and stop sliding around in front of me on the sidewalk.
4) The strapless dress: This just in! Straps keep your breasts INside your clothes. If you’re attempting to garner attention by having your fun-bags navigate territory with a bit more freedom, we also passed a law some years ago that’ll allow you to go topless. No need to keep tugging on yourself while you’re dancing to Ke$ha.
5) Purses adorned with the initials of whichever designer you chose that day because you had four hundred bucks burning a hole in your pocket: Though it pains me to be the one to expose this to you, you got had. You got had, and how.
I feel way better now. All of this being said, I should also add that there are a lot of really REALLY hot fashion choices out there right now. Some people lead the way by wearing pants as pants and shirts as shirts, and I respect that. You should also probably not take my advice too seriously because the greater part of my good taste in anything is for hamburgers and french fries. Try Buns in Montreal.
Hope this helps and please don’t hit me with your Coach bag,
-Chomps
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